thoughts again

A'kum n ello..

i'm glad that this blog doesn't have many followers...cos i really glad~

i don't want to put myself among the Malaysian bloggers society thingy,cos i rather put my blog as an individual thing that doesn't need to be among a society,except if that 'society' is DBSK or NEWS..

i really love my life...i'm happy that i have a nice,loving father who sometimes annoyed me with his sarcasm...and siblings that really love me,eventhough they never show it but still care about me...

i love it...
i love them..

i lose my mother when i was 12...2 years after that was maybe the hardest year in our life...we didn't show it,but we felt it that we were mourning for her...and it was 2years...

and that's harsh.

cos around that time,my dad didn't have a job...and my bro didn't get nice score for his spm..(harsh reality:you lose a mother before ur massive exam,can you study for the exam?)...and people asked me "when will you have a new mother?"...."oh,your father with that woman" and so on...rumours and rumours circulating....and some even from my cousins...

and that's harsh.

and so i had a new stepmum...whom, i have to say a person that dislike and like but never love...

and for once in her life as my stepmother,she never say thanks to me about me being the first person that feel positive of her to be my future 'mother'...

and for once in my life as her stepdaughter,i never think of her as my 'mother'...cos eventhough nobody can replace my mother,she's a person that doesn't have the character to be a mother,in my point of view.

and that's why i put myself as an on 'orphan without the mother but with a father,eventhough i have a stepmother' in my school form...it's kinda nice,eventho it was also cruel,cos i'd get RM70++ every year cos being an 'orphan'...

haha with that.

maybe i'm a cruel person..but i am reasonable...maybe i am immature,but i know what must and what not...

and so..

eventhough some people think that i am too arrogant or something,i have to admit,maybe i am..

but i have to be happy,that there are people in this world that know how arrogant i am,but still know the true nature of me...they accept me,and they understand me...and they know when to shut up and when to ask...

and i'm glad...

instead of being proud that they are the person that i trust,they just thinking about how to make me happy....

and that's what i'm guilty about..

they try to make me happy...but i seldomly make them happy...

i thank them..


and again,my post is never tidy...
ta~!