10 February, 2013

think too much

A'kum n ello.


sorry, this is not the post that some might expect. just some stuff that i have to take out from my mind cos apparently, I THINK TOO MUCH.

it is not a nice feeling. this think too much feeling. as much as i love it for being mature to have this kind of thinking, i also dread it. the fact is, this think too much feel is like a psychological problem for me. and i dread it. so much!

the worrying thing is, i think too much even for the slightest thing. especially when i was praying. i do not know about you, but when i pray, i sometimes care too much about my pronunciation. granted, this improve my concentration for my solat, however, the scary part is, i lose so much confidence in my solat. it almost makes me feel unhappy about my solat.

and when this happen, i almost have this depress feeling. the fact that my iman is not that enough. to even make me feel this very difficult feeling. it almost affect me, religiously.

i have to blog about this. because by blogging this, i finally accept this and i know that i have to overcome this. and also to accept the fact that this is actually a disease.

other than the fact that i worried so much about my pronunciation, i worried about other stuff that might make my solat not acceptable. i took this as a benefit for this anxiety though. all the anxiety that i had, i googled them. most of the things that i were not sure of was finally answered. as i said, i think too much, even the slightest thing. and i just realized that i am so few of knowledge about my solat.

i did not even know that when you forget the rakaat that you was in, apart from taking the small number of rakaat and add more rakaat to fill up the rakaat that you forget, you also need to do the sujud sahwi.

did you know that? cos i didn't.

there were plenty of stuff, but that one was the one that most memorable to me.

anyway, even when this is a problem, i am grateful for realizing this problem. because in the end, what matter most is, the future that you have with God. small problems, whether they can be solve or not, the end of the day will not end with another human, but with God instead.

brace your present.