01 April, 2017

racist? sexist?

Assalam and hello.

went to the market this morning. stopped by the bank to cash out some money and saw 2 black guys in front of the bank.

they did nothing, really. they were sitting and chatting with each other. normal stuff. but i told my maid who inside the car to lock the door.

it was ridiculous, really. we locked the door when we usually don't.

am i really that racist?

i remembered that time when i saw a group of Indians  guys at the market trying to sell stuff. i locked the door too at that time.

is it bcos i was scared of them?

am i really that racist?

then i realized i think i usually did that whenever there's are motorcyclists or some men wandering around the car. i locked it whenever that happen.

the similarities in all these situations are that i only do this when there are men around me, excluding those i know. men, even Malay men. i don't trust them.

so i guess i don't trust men then.

now, is this sexist?


27 March, 2017

update about UPTA

AsSalam and hello.

update about my UPTA appeal:


bcos of QUOTA.

apparently, the cost for the UPTA scheme were lowered so much, that UITM have to make a quota after years of not having one.

unfortunately, they had to do this deed when i want it so badly, so badly my entire semester actually depend on this.

they only provide it to 500 students. i'm not sure myself, but i think that 500 includes the students from other faculties too.

so... i'm broke for the next few months or maybe until i have a job.

yes, i have my father who have provided for me for years since i was a little child, but i have my pride too. until when will i ask my father to support me? until i'm 30? ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜–

this is the 1st time i ever feel that i should just have a job instead of continuing my study. but i love to learn new things tho. i love doing lab work. i just hate climbing the stairs and the hills and also park the car at UITM. no regret but i have to just swallow my pride and ask my father for help.

i've just send my car's aircond for a repair just now and coincidentally, my father was close by and he had lunch with me and my brother. as the luck shine for me, my father paid for the repair ๐Ÿ˜Š.

as much as i feel happy and grateful and very lucky for that, i still feel a bit sad that i still need to ask for money from him.

my supervisor is a bit guilty about this. i hope she does. i mean, who will take care of her lab this semester? someone who doesn't know anything obviously.

still, i hope she has a good UPTA student that will give her more good than harm. i wish her and the new student well. just don't come to me for free and ask for something. i don't have the money to help you. really.

ps: ooh. there's a meme generator on the internet!

22 March, 2017

appeal letter for tutor

AsSalam and hello.

update about that problem i had few days ago.

i asked my supervisor yesterday and she was also surprised that my application was rejected. she said she will check on it and told me not to worry much about it cos i also told her that i became stressed because of this.

she said again"takpe. don't worry"๐Ÿ’ช

i met her again. i updated her about my labworks and all (got some scolding cos i forgot what happen when glycan associate with proteins. my mind went blank. she told me to give the answer by tonight but i 'accidentally๐Ÿ˜ณ' forgot to tell her), and i asked her about the UPTA update.

she said she haven't checked yet but she told me to make an appeal letter first and mention that she will support my appeal.

appeal letter. a formal appeal letter ๐Ÿ˜–. i got A1 in my Malay subject when i did my SPM and at that time, i could even wrote 4 pieces of essay, front to back in just 2 hours. but this only relevant if i write a non-formal writing.

a formal one? an appeal? that is one of my weakness๐Ÿ˜“. i couldn't even write the right words when i emailed a bank in Malay language. not saying my English is good, but i've been reading so many journals in English that i am mostly comfortable using English words for something formal.

so i asked for help from the best person who can help me with this: my stepmother. she works for the government. she read and writes formal letters almost everyday. so i asked her for help.

and the result is fantastic. in my opinion anyway. thanks Cik Jie! you save my life here!๐Ÿ˜†

sorry. i won't upload the official one but this is the gist of it ๐Ÿ™ˆ.

anyway, here's hoping my appeal will be successful or else i really have to ask for my father for pocket money that is in smaller amount.

bye then.

ps: i ate 4 muffins today ๐Ÿ‘…๐ŸŽ‚. yeah, i've just noticed that blogger support emojis. haha. ๐Ÿ

20 March, 2017

Plz Don't Be Sad.

AsSalam and hello.

i'm blogging again.

why? cos Highlight a.k.a the legendary old BEAST just dropped their mv for their new song, Plz Don't Be Sad.

as usual, i understand none of the korean lyrics, but the song is so good, i have a smile on my face throughout watching the mv. the chorus is quite addictive. yeah i cannot even pronounce the suppose lyrics but the chorus still feel good for the ears. so that's nice.

some said the song is like a chill Block B song. i only know Zico tho so ok then.

Doojoon looking so mighty fine in the mv and the others also just as good but not as good as him ahahah but still with all the stressful stuff that happened to me for the last 12 hours or so, this mv and this song is my current medicine.

feel nice to see Gikwang at the center, enjoying himself better than before. a tiny bit disappointed that Dongwoon's voice not as clear but oh well. Yoseob and that game looking like a childish and adorable 8y.o boy.

overall, i love this song. the song before this song is also nice. i'm happy Highlighter! hee.

update about the problem before: told my dad about it. was hoping for a montly allowance like when i was doing my degree. he told me to check with UITM first and nothing can be solved, i have to accept it and move on to other things. might checkout some translating work too.

no tutor, no money, have problem.

AsSalam and hello.

i'm a bit in a depressed mode right now. all of sudden things are not looking good.

currently, my allowance depends on this teaching assistant scheme by UITM. i was expecting that i'll be doing the tutoring for this semester. however, suddenly, VERY SUDDENLY, my application for the UPTA is unsuccessful.

madness. now i'm shocked. very very shocked. my plan for the next 5 months just went blank, and i don't even have any plan B to prepare for this.

now i'm not sure how to have my own money. i had this plan to do a part-time job possibly this September, where i expect that my labwork might have finish by that time. but now, maybe i have to do the job earlier than expected tho.

i was thinking where should i get my allowance right now. things really not looking bright. part-time job is an option, but difficult for someone like me who is a research student hoping to finish her last labwork as quickly as possible.

credits image: theodysseyonline.com

currently, my labwork take 3 days of the week, with each day take about 6-12 hours of the day. the only work that might be helpful is a do-at-home job like key-in some datas like in the old days where a piece of data= RM1 each.

this is tough. in normal days, i'll choose a part-time job over doing labwork but right now i'm in the most crucial moment of my research. coursework students might have better chance to do part-time job cos they know when is their class and all, but my research can be too flexible, so i can't do inflexible part-time job.

tough. very tough.

you might have notice the ads in my blog. that's one of source of income. i put the ads since 2010 but the revenue that i got from that since 2012 is $3.++. HAHHAHAHA. tho that might be bcos of the lack of updates. i did notice that there is an increase of $2 since i blog about Train to Busan and that was few months ago.

so imagine if i update ALL THE TIME maybe i can have some bits of money from that then.

oh. my eldest brother just told me about his plan to do GrabCar. ok now that is one option. but that is only possible if i actually have a less than 10 years car. currently, i'm using a WIRA that was built during 1998. Commonwealth Games in Malaysia was during that time. Rombongan Cik Kiah was during that time. hrm.

this problem actually stressing me out since last night before the Man City vs Liverpool match. i could not focus much on that game. thankfully it was a non-boring draw, nevertheless still a brilliant match by both teams. i did have the thought when looking at those young football players that are mostly younger than me who also have more money than me too. i mean, Coutinho is only 25 this year, i think, and he already has 150k pound/week. granted, his job is difficult, but still.

yup, a Mickey Mouse tattoo on a very fit and rich Coutinho's abs
credit image: foxsportsasia.com

ah well. praying for a best outcome from all of this. this is a small matter compare to other problems i had encounter but not unsolvable. pray for me that things will be better then. thanks.

You'll Never Walk Alone.
the Liverpool version, not the BTS one.

05 February, 2017

Some bits of reminder


To be honest, nowadays i am a boring person. I stay at home or go to the lab. I feel content when i go to the lab. I feel like i am relevant when i go there.

Then i saw all those stuff that i need to clean up and i avoided the lab after that. But i still go to the lab. I did my work and just avoid the cleaning activity.

I get easily bored nowadays. I watch a drama and some of them still haven't finish yet. I paid RM10 for a month of VIU subscription and the only thing that i actually watch from that is New Journey to the West 2 and 3.

Honestly the show is so brilliant and hilarious, i have to praise PD Na for being a genius in the variety world.

Anyway, i haven't finish most of the drama that i had started watching. the only one that i actually finish is Goblin. Which is so brilliant, my ears still want to hear some bits of its OST.

Liverpool not having a good start of the year too. And so my mood is down. I need them to win. Get themselves some good vibe and all things will be good. Currently, things just seem out of place. The players are so weak minded.

Oh. I'm getting fat. The boobs not getting bigger. But my thighs are bigger and uglier than ever. InsyaAllah i'll be going on a trip later on this July so i'm hoping that i'll be back to my normal weight when that time comes.

Another problem that is stressing me out right now is MyBrain15 haven't paid my March2016 study fee yet. And i just got a text that i need to pay them by this February. I went to UITM finance department and they said MyBrain15 have no money to pay the students right now. And i can't do anything about it. The staff there did say that i should sent an email to them so they can solve the problem. I did send the email but for days now, there is still no response.

So here i am, will advise you, take MyBrain15 if you want, but prepare some bits of money just to be sure that this problem will not occur.

Be grateful. Ta.

16 September, 2016

Happy Malaysia Day

AsSalam n hello.

Happy Malaysia Day.

A country where the corruption is everywhere and the people don't even notice that what they are doing is corruption. Life is good after all when doing bad things not even noticeable.

But still, without Sabah and Sarawak, we won't be as rich as today.

And without MO1, we won't get as many debt as today too.

Life has made mature adults become 'aku malas nak kisah' then 'what happened? Did something happened??'.

Maturity change you. Life change you. So many disappointment that you just have to enjoy life even for the littlest things. Like seeing a pokemon, you feel so excited catching a Zulbat when you already catch it zillions of times.

Freedom is so far away for me. Sometimes i regret why i didn't just work and have a less than RM2k salary instead of being a postgrad student where i only get allowance for 2 years only. But then again, what is life when you think that you expect yourself to not be a student after 2 years?

I am more mellow now. Maybe the 'i don't care attitude' makes me mellow. I try not to shout too much. I try not to be angry too much. I become more reasonable. And when this happened, i see things from a mellow perspective. You see how unreasonable a person is when she's angry. You see the cruelty, the rudeness, the selfishness a person can be.

Such is life. No freedom when you have no money,  no freedom when you are still dependent on others.

Happy Malaysia Day. Where the country only unite only during Olympics.

And also during holiday season.

Enjoy life. Ta.

13 September, 2016

Train to Busan

AsSalam and hello.

have you watched Train to Busan? the one that has that movie poster of hot Gong Yoo carrying a little girl with the lovable Jung Yumi behind him running with him from behind? and with some trains and explosions at the background? and if you notice, there might also be hundreds of zombies at the back.

yeah. this one.

oh there's also Sohee, Choi Wooshik and the brilliant Ma Dong Seok in the poster.

i'm not a fan of zombies. really. excluding the sequel of that Maze Runner movie, i kinda hate every zombie movies out there. the last one that i remember that i actually like is Night of the Living Dead, which is brilliant.

but this Train to Busan tho, might have top it. it was brilliant! it was thrilling! i knew i would like it, but i was actually avoiding it cos i don't like zombies who eat human flesh scenes. to be honest, i'm not a fan of horror movie or any ridiculous movies like Final Destination.

but if you're a Game of Thrones fan, those brutal scenes are nothing after all.

this movie, this Train to Busan movie is just different. it was like i was riding a roller coaster for 2 hours when i saw it. i couldn't keep quietly at my seat. my sister also didn't sit quietly cos both of us were just so nervous. i love that thrilling feeling. it was awesome.

Ma Dong Seok tried to punch a zombie, ooh, i even moved my body.
Gong Yoo tried to escape, ooh i made an escape move.

it was awesome. it was fantastic. 

it wasn't so much of the actors or the storyline that made me excited. it was the feeling that i got when i watched it. the actors are brilliant, every Korean movie fans know that. but the characters's desperation to survive is just so strong, you end up feeling intrigued by it.

and the sacrifice. wow the sacrifice. you see how much impact a person's kindness can do to a person. it was sweet, sad and wow.

i haven't had this kind of feeling when i see something. i think the last time i had this much impact might be after i watched The Princess Man. 

you have to thank Korean directors for knowing how to make a person absorbs in things.