22 February, 2010

to whom?

A'kum n ello..


i was in major bum few hours ago.all those gone now after i chat with mimi. thank you,sayang :).

like usual,maybe this post will start with nice mood,and end with anger note.

ok.start it off.

some people may know what is the current state of my family matters. and i don't really want to say it as a bad or good thing. i just take it as it is. it's not like i can change anything now that things already become like this and all.

and to tell you the truth,with all the major things that happen in my family, i tried to ignore it as much as i can.if it suddenly appear,i'll give you a nice happy face that make you think "she's one happy kid there"


that is my face.

bcos you know why? i want to think that positive things will happen if i smile.maybe it is pretentious smile,but as long as i smile,i know things will be good,whether it is fake or not.

all this smile started after last year.i want to have a positive feeling. i don't want to care about the negative.you may realize that i haven't blog anything moody since last year.except the posts about my immature siblings and some insensitive friends,i don't have any other moody post.

and so, i thought, that moody thing won't happen anymore.it has not appear for 1 year already,why must it appear again.

my thought was immature. the moodiness creep suddenly into my life,and my unhappy note start over again.the familiar moodiness appear as the problem that start becos of one man occur again.

i stated it before that i don't like to know things from others,especially the important and private things.

like this one time,a close friend of mine got a boyfriend.i know her for long,but i knew about her relationship from facebook,from all places.she knows i dislike that guy,and she was scared of telling me,but seriously tho,can't she even try to tell me whenever she saw me online? heck,she's not the same person anymore anyway.she's a different person with some personality that i don't even recognize that i better off not care much about her until she realize that she is a different person especially to her close friends.

and also this one time.a best friend of mine who lost her father.what is best friend anyway? isn't it someone who tell you everything? isn't it someone who knows all about your secret?isn't it someone that will tell you how she feel? as you know,i was worried about my best friend's condition.is she alright?can she still cope with her lost? is she fine? i was worried sick and she didn't do anything to ease my worry.but i tried not to mind much,as her lost is something terrible,therefore i let her have the time to not contact me or anything.but then,i found out,she's not far from me,she's near me,with one bus stop away.and i know where she is from someone else,and not from her.you may think this is a small matter,but please define best friend,and you know why i feel so unhappy listen to this kind of news from someone else.

and now,i heard this 1 news from a relative of mine about the state of my family. it's already wreck enough by not knowing it.but it wrecker now that you know it from someone else.what must i feel now after listening to all this news from someone else,but not from the suppose person?

maybe you think this is a small matter.it is a big matter bcos it affects my life.i'm sensitive enough to care.but you people not sensitive enough to not care about it.

you people think this is a small matter to you.

try stand in my place.your close friend,you best friend,your own family don't treat you like you're important,just like you feel them as the precious people in your life.

ok.you maybe don't feel anything,but it's not because you are insensitive,but also bcos you are selfish enough to think that you can live alone in this world without the need of other people in your life.

i know i'll have response that will say "that person is doing that for your own sake", but let me tell you this, prove what good things i'll have by treating me this way.

and i know i have plenty things to say,but i just don't have the mood to continue anymore.ignore this post,and just looking forward to a happy post from me.

thank you.

No comments: