i told my friends about my problems..and i never thought this kind of word will appear from their mouth "ALIA,U'RE STRONG.how can you ever handle that?"..
believe me,i never thought i am strong.but when people said it like that,i wonder if i'm that strong as i appear to be.i'm scared of driving even an auto car.am i that strong?
but mentally,i have to admit,i am strong.i'm strong to face all this life obstacles in life bcos i trust people.i trust my best friend,i trust my friends,i trust my family.i have this great belief that they're trustworthy enough to be a responsible human being.i trust people easily.and that's where my dumbness start.but still,i friend with people i trust and believe.i'm not that choosy,but things happen just like that.
and anyway,do u know another reason why i think i strong eventho i have a massive prob that only i know about it and i have to carry that weight?..cos i think this is life.it's a test.u accept it or u'll fail it.and anyway,life is about doing something that u like.u hate it at 1st,but in the end u'll like it.maybe sometimes,things like that won't happen,but that's bcos of that stupid mentality of urs that never want to accept life as the way as it is.
ok,ur mother has an affair with other man.so?it's common.she done it and that's that.it's in the past.what can u do about it?u want to kill her cos doing something that she did in the past?u can say fuck off or anything to her.but later u'll just think,why the hell i care about this?why i waste my time thinking about it?u'll realize later,that ur mother is still ur mother,and she already did it,and also,you can have many things to do other than caring about that stupid problem.and btw,u're still YOUNG!that's the adult's problem.just let the adult take care of it!
and you may think this is too easy and too selfish of me to think like this,but think widely.she's a mother.she's not stupid to think that it's a bad thing.she's not stupid to know that you're mad.but still,she done it.it's in the past.and you can't do anything about it.so just leave it to God.if it happens in the present,u have the right to do it.but if it's in the past,u can't do anything.so why bother about some probs that happen in the past.
and btw,YOU'RE YOUNG!
and also,we're still young.ok,maybe u're 30++ or even 40++.but that's young.by young,it means u have a life.you still live.accept it that you live.it means you have many things to do.problems happen.it's big but it can be settle.maybe some people think that u're running from the past if you want to ignore the prob.but something like having an affair is not something that u can settle.it happens.ur mother made sex with other man.so?it's that.it's not like u can do anything to change about it.u won't even have sex with her,so why bother.yeah,she's ur mum.but still,she's ur MOTHER!she's worst,but u still live.u still alive.she didn't kill u.so that's alright.
k,i'm mad right now cos of this online friend of mine.do u know that americans are trying to be mature but in reality,they are the stupidest in being that?
i don't want to be mature.but i think that's alright for me.i already live and faced many obstacles.but why must i bother about the probs.i have probs.and i face it.and if the prob is still there,face it or let it flow and it'll get settle eventually.and if you realize,i maybe mad at something,but in the end,i think it's a waste of my time.like when i have this prob with a friend of mine.she made me mad.and she didn't think it's her fault that she made me mad.i was mad bcos of that attitude.so i was mad.but in the end,i ignore it.cos i have many things to think about rather than stay being mad.if she wanna talk to me,ok then.everything will settle.
and btw,tears rolling is better than tears not rolling.it means u're healthy.it means u're strong.and if you think crying is weak,u're not human.i dunno why people don't want to cry.that's the stupidest thing in the world.yeah,crying won't settle everything.but being strong when u're in ur weakest state,u're just lying to urself.and believe me,lying to urself just making ur life worse.da.
k then.
da~
- currently listening to Ayaka's te wo tsunagou
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