17 April, 2010

for you,i suppose.i'm sorry.

A'kum n ello..

i hope you won't get hurt by this.

you know, the past few days haven't been that great for me. and one of them were the saddest and might also be the most upsetting of all.

i mean, how could he said that? especially in front of her? i'm upset bcos the friendship now is in jeopardy. we'll be awkward. we may be laugh n smile together like usual, but that'll be just plain hypocrisy. i'm sad cos maybe what he said is true and eventhough i noticed it earlier, but i didn't notice what the surrounding will think of it. that was my mistake.

but seriously, when he said it was nothing personal, and when i gave my own opinion, and he said "i just made a different answer" which i dunno what different it should be cos i only gave one answer, how could i not take it personally.

i'm sorry that i said this through this blog, cos i know you'll be major hurt about it. but i'm too humiliated to see you right now, and when i want to say this stuff in front of you, i just said something else cos i don't want to see you hurt.

if it's a friend who said that, i don't mind.
if it's not in front of you, i don't mind.

but he is someone that you respected,someone very important to you,how could i not mind when it seen clearly that he doesn't want me to friend with you anymore cos i 'took advantage of you' when i clearly not, cos never in my mind i had those thought. you're my friend, and i love you. i enjoy being your companion cos we laugh together.but when i was seen as someone that took advantage of you, i was clearly upset and sad that someone actually think my friendship with you is that...CHEAP.

if he didn't say that in front of you, i wouldn't mind. i will always be there with you by ignoring what happened cos you dunno your precious person said that to me. you were there, and i was humiliated. you know how 'angry' and 'direct' he was at that time. you know what tone that he used at that time. you told me not to care, but how should i not care? he is your precious person. i understand he did that becos of his position to care you. it just that the way he said it, the timing he chose to say it, the assumption that he gave me, how should i not care? my pride was at stake cos i NEVER NEVER THINK ABOUT THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. but at that time, i only care about our friendship. at that time, all i was thinking, was i that bad at you? what i gave you plenty of difficulty? was your family hate me that much? all i care at that time, am i that selfish?

when he asked me," if you in her position, do you think she is taking advantage of you?" i was quiet. he demanded answer. the answer that i want to give him was "she's my friend.we've known each for a long time, how could i even think of that?" but he wants a right or wrong answer and if i said no, do you think he'll accept it?

maybe he was tired.maybe he was in a bad state. so i don't mind.

but you already know me more than anybody else right now.

this is not the same problems that i or you or both of us got before this. this is major.this is different.this is a family member we're talking about.

you know that i prefer avoid more than ignore. i want to avoid him, i don't want to ignore you. but that'll be very2 hard.

this is maybe a cowardly act. but to tell you the truth, this is not the most cowardly act that happened in my  your life.

i'm sorry.
but thank you for all that happen before this.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

if you wanna talk, gimme a call.
tak patut he bursts it to u like that.. u're not the same level/age as him..if he wanted to voice out..he need to talk to someone much the same level as he is. he's coward. not u.