22 September, 2013

"when will you get married?"

Salam and Hello.

i am a bit sad. LFC lose a match just now. first time for this season. they deserved it. played like bunch of clueless people.

still, top of the league for few hours unless Arsenal and Spurs lose, and Man City and Scum drew on their match, the league table will remain the same.

ah well.

so.... what's up, me?

nothing really. i'm doing nothing. finally finish my degree. my graduation will be on November. and i haven't apply for work cos my father wants me to further my study i.e do my Master. and i still have not apply for my Master.

because i am very very clueless in what must i do right now. and also because i am lazy. i want a stress-free month. but with the environment in my house right now, i don't think i can be stress-free even for 10 minute.

basically, i'm staying at home all the time. doing nothing except wondering what i should do.

oh. Atman, a mate of mine, is getting married today. oh. he already married. and the mates in my WhatsApp group right now are excitedly saying "his first night!!". i find it really really weird that they are talking about it.

and because he is now married, the topic about "when will you get married?" appear. i was the one who started it cos i know nobody would. i asked my mates that question. they didn't give any shocking answers. i didn't really give mine tho. cos i do not want them to judge.

"when will you get married?"

my answer: i seriously do not know. truthfully, i don't think i will get married. why? firstly, because i don't want to. but then, i thought i have to. besides the fact that my father will be so proud of me that i finally married, it is also because i hope i can have someone that will actually care for me when i am old.

i trust people easily. if i am at a library and have the need to go to the toilet, i will asked someone to take care of my laptop. i trust that person to take care of it.

but when it comes to marriage, i'll have trust issues.

maybe because of my father. it is not easy to have a father that married three times in his life and also cheated on his 2nd wife for a younger woman that lied to her family about the status of the man she was seeing.

therefore, i don't trust men who say they won't get married again. i don't trust men who said they will be loyal forever. i just don't trust those promises.

you look at an old man and you think "he seems nice and sweet. he treats his wife and children well". and once he is dead, all secrets out. and funnily, the family won't know about that secret but the strangers know about it.

i remember that time when i tweeted 'i want to be the 2nd wife of a rich man so that the rich man can stay with his 1st wife but still take care of me financially, spiritually and physically'. when i tweeted that, a twitter friend of mine replied "i want to go to your wedding just to see what man will marry you"

ah well.

i'm still a naive lady. yes, i watch porn sometimes but most of them are because the girls there have really nice body and i want to know how they have that kind of body. i still look down when i see a man walking. i never look at a man's eyes for more than 3 seconds.

life is hard.

bye bye. :)

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