i realize

A'kum n ello..

i'm 19.
and will be 20 later.

just thinking about it, i realize too many things.

i realize that i like that person too much but i don't really love him. i just think it just that;with no effort. i just think i'm still immature to be with someone. i still think i'm not ready to give my heart or to let someone have my heart.

i realize that i mature drastically cos i help people to move on. by being in that one state that do nothing, nothing really happen. but if you do something, something will happen. stuck in a room and thinking about the dead does not change anything. out from the room and do something to forget it will just change something. the dead won't come alive. but the dead will be happy to see that you're even alive (by doing something).

i realize that when you're being alone, nothing really change bcos nobody see it. you just have to be with someone so you can see that something really change. it's about being alive. it's about accepting someone's existence or someone to accept ur existence. someone said "she's alive" thus, you're alive.

i realize that life has many things to offer. thinking about death is necessary,but to die now, is not necessary. you're still healthy,still young and plenty things that you haven't done. why die now and dwell about things that already a past tense?

i realize plenty of things just in 2 hours of chatting with aqilah. i realize that i haven't talk too much since hani's father's death. i realize that i haven't been myself for the past few days. i realize that the anger that i'd been trying to keep ,slowly influence my soul with negative energy. i realize that i need to just ignore. i realize that i need to put more effort.

i realize that somebody need me,after all.

tata.