FRIENDS: you need them.

A'kum n ello..

so i told everything to her. and she took it gratefully.

i'm happy.really tho,i am.

she said that she's blank when i told her about THAT.she doesn't feel anything.she just don't know what to say.i think she was shocked. and at that,i think i made a mistake by telling her. i love her,you know. maybe some friends heard me saying those bad stuff about her. maybe some people will think that i back-talk about her. but you know what, i'm doing that bcos i love her. people dunno her,but they pretend they know her. they loves her face,but dump her when they know the real her.

and for being her friend, do you think i like those sort of things? that's why when people ask me her number, do you think i said stuff like "ble korang knal dia karang, korang mesti cam "la~~dia cam alia?" and you dump her after that.

oh i'm sorry for being me.i'm not your usual softie girl like all those boys want. i'm just that girl who'll make men quiver in horror and lose his self-confidence whenever they meet me anyway.

still,let me say the main thing. i know about most of her stories. i know sometimes she makes mistakes in choosing boys, but she's a blur person. and sometimes i hate that about her bcos people suffer from her blurness. every human wants to be selfish,and mine included.it just that,sometimes,her selfishness stood out too much,so people tend to see the negative side of it. even i,sometimes,fall into that category and bad-talk about it.

but i dunno why. i just love her. she's like my twin sister. can't help it anyway,we're only few hours apart anyway. so,to erase all this bad-talk guiltiness, i told her.

still, she accepts what i told her.

and you know what, i cried after that. maybe bcos i feel guilty. or maybe bcos i feel alone rite now.

maybe i love to be alone. but that's not really the truth. i love my friends around me. since haniyana's father passed away,things are not really good around me. she didn't answer my call. i know it's still a hard life for her rite now,so i don't really want to bother her anymore. but still,i was wondering, "am i really her best friend?"

things like this happened before,but hani just being hani. i just can't hate her. both hani and emi are precious to me. i love both of them.

and you know what,i relied too much on hani whenever i was in my bad state. i called her whenever i feel mad. and during this 'not answer my call' season, i have plenty of problems,and with hani not answering my calls, i just keep things to myself. i try to be more independent by not relying too much on hani.

i failed tho. i just cried just now.maybe bcos of that.

and no,i won't try calling her at this moment.i'll try call her after exam end. she's in a difficult patch rite now.more difficult than me.why must i forced her to accept my calls just to say "hani!!adik kt cam sial!!!"? do you think that'll make her life easier?

hrm.
k now.

you know what i feel.

ta.