something.about.me

a'kum...i dunno what to do for today...i have to send my bio's practical n PEKA tomorrow....but i haven't finish yet.....WHY?..cos i don't have the school testpad and my practical book was left at school....HAHAHAHAHA....go to hell....this is too damn bad...in the morning..i was so determined....right now...I was so like shit....haish....and i still feel sooo guilty to my father....he sent me a sms last night...the sms was something like..."alia ok?"...ARGHH!!!!!...i feel so guilty...wanna know why...?....cos when i chat with my father...i don't really chat with him...i asked my cousin to chat with him....or maybe my sis.....cos i just dunno what to talk to him...FYI,i am very secretive to my family....any emotional things that happen in my life...i don't really blast it to them...cos i am the MOST independent in my family....if the bill haven't paid...they know who to blame....haish...that's why one of the reason i want to study and live in liverpool is bcos i want to leave anybody that i know....yeah..maybe hani or liyana or both go with me to liverpool...but i don't think either of them want to live there...me?..i am totally into living in liverpool...cos i don't want to meet anybody that i know....that's why my relationship with my friends right now..i want to appreciate it all my life....bcos maybe after that i will make a new realtionship with other ppl...cos i just thought of something...maybe i can make new relationship in each decades of my life...the start of life of 11 years old....i have new friends at sks6 and also the skolah agama seksyen 3....then i have all that friends until now...yeah...i lost contacts to some of them but i still remember them and if they forget me...i don't really care anyway....cos that just mean they're not really my true friends....

what i want to confess to you all about..in everything that i had done...i know what i was/am doing...i know the consequences of my doing....i know the good and bad about my doing....but i won't regret what i had done a bit....cos i know my life...i know i've been very annoying with my moodiness and all...cos i just can't meet the ppl who really understand me....not even my late-mother,my father or my siblings...or even my best-mates....i told them my secrets...but not all of them...i told them many of the important things i have in my life....but most of all are important for that time but won't be important for the other time[or maybe it will]....i told ppl about what i felt about other person....bcos i can guess what will happen next...i understand my friends very much....and if my understanding was wrong...i know they had change and mature...so i am very happy...ppl say i am too moody..why?..bcos i am too responsible and take things seriously in my life...why again..?...bcos i always thinks the result of what i had done....i can be dramatic...too dramatic than hani,even...but i just try to not show it...i dont want ppl to feel worry or sorry about me...like about my mum's condition b4 she died...i told ppl about her condition...but not what i was totally seeing....i just told ppl,"mak aku sakit.asyik baring je".....but my mum was totally sick...i just can't bear to watch her face...b4 she died...i don't really help her..i just watching her from afar...it was just my bro and sis help my mum...i just stay in my room doing nothing...i don't think i was praying at that time..maybe i was-a lil...i don't think i was doing something like crying...i just quiet...why?...bcos i think i was useless...i don't do anything to my mum...and also i was thinking something else-she won't die...

about my friends...i know i was being too difficult to handle...i just want to say i'm sorry....i know i was annoying with my moodiness...but i just can't control what happen in my life...i know some of my friends think i am very annoying with my liverpool maniac...i'm sorry...i'm just too into liverpool...i know farahin n hani thought this liverpool thing was annoying...but i'm sorry...i don't have any true happiness than liverpool in my life...i realize that among my friends...i am the most mature,hate to lose and too passionate in many kind of things..when i was being hyper...i was feeling insecure at that time....

maybe i was being dramatic..or being nothing....but today i just felt like to say something....i am sorry if i say something bad...but this is my blog...so better i say it now or later my brain will be too crowded and my heart will be too swollen....bye..